I love people. I love noise. I love to be busy. I am starting to think I am addicted to the chaos of constant movement and distraction of anything that would keep me from what I need most — quiet. The other day, for the first time in a long time, I had a full day in my house alone. Silence followed me all day. I was stranded on a snowy day alone. I still can’t drive due to a broken foot. There was nothing on television. My phone was on low battery, and I had lost all of my phone chargers. I think there is a black hole in my house that sucks them in to disappear forever or maybe some day I will find the corner where my dog buries them. For the life of me, I can never find a phone charger! Without my technology, I was thrust unwillingly into a day of silence.
At first, I could hardly stand it. It was like being forced to spend time with a total stranger. Then I finally realized the irony of this. The stranger was me. It had been so long that I had been alone with just me, it was like I had to get to know “her” again. Who is she? What does she believe? What are her dreams? What is her heartache? Did I even like her any more?
As the day moved on, I got a little more comfortable with this person with whom I had lost touch. We did laundry together. We cleaned out a closet, all the while in silence getting reacquainted.
Then, by the afternoon I decided to invite another into my silence with whom I had not visited for awhile. I was a little afraid because this one, as gentle as he has ever been with me, can see right through my attempts to avoid his truth about me.
Dear God, I am now listening. What do you have to say to me? I am finally listening.
The day ended. The craziness of lists, deadlines, appointments are back. Oh, yes, I finally found a phone charger. It was sucked into a black hole — in one of my many purses in my closet.
That day made me realize, as uncomfortable as it first was, how greatly I needed that silence. I had lost touch with awareness that my soul was parched and that is how it is filled again. God met me in my silence, when I invited him.
I look forward to another day with my old friends again. This time I think I am going to be intentional about spending time with the two who are the only two who I can count on to always be there waiting to meet me in the silence.
God, Me, how does tomorrow morning for breakfast look for you both?