I love people. I love noise. I love to be busy. I am starting to think I am addicted to the chaos of constant movement and distraction of anything that would keep me from what I need most — quiet. The other day, for the first time in a long time, I had a full day in my house alone. Silence followed me all day. I was stranded on a snowy day alone. I still can’t drive due to a broken foot. There was nothing on television. My phone was on low battery, and I had lost all of my phone chargers. I think there is a black hole in my house that sucks them in to disappear forever or maybe some day I will find the corner where my dog buries them. For the life of me, I can never find a phone charger! Without my technology, I was thrust unwillingly into a day of silence.
At first, I could hardly stand it. It was like being forced to spend time with a total stranger. Then I finally realized the irony of this. The stranger was me. It had been so long that I had been alone with just me, it was like I had to get to know “her” again. Who is she? What does she believe? What are her dreams? What is her heartache? Did I even like her any more?
As the day moved on, I got a little more comfortable with this person with whom I had lost touch. We did laundry together. We cleaned out a closet, all the while in silence getting reacquainted.
Then, by the afternoon I decided to invite another into my silence with whom I had not visited for awhile. I was a little afraid because this one, as gentle as he has ever been with me, can see right through my attempts to avoid his truth about me.
Dear God, I am now listening. What do you have to say to me? I am finally listening.
The day ended. The craziness of lists, deadlines, appointments are back. Oh, yes, I finally found a phone charger. It was sucked into a black hole — in one of my many purses in my closet.
That day made me realize, as uncomfortable as it first was, how greatly I needed that silence. I had lost touch with awareness that my soul was parched and that is how it is filled again. God met me in my silence, when I invited him.
I look forward to another day with my old friends again. This time I think I am going to be intentional about spending time with the two who are the only two who I can count on to always be there waiting to meet me in the silence.
God, Me, how does tomorrow morning for breakfast look for you both?
Sometimes its good to be in silenc with yourself.. I have days where I just dont want to talk and just do my think without much verbal in or output.
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