Coming to the Surface

Sometimes reality makes me come to the surface and truly face what is happening in my brain. That is what happened yesterday at my appointment with my neurologist. From the moment he walked in the door, I knew he was analyzing my every move, word, and expression. He was looking for signs of regression, and that makes me have to face for a moment the physical changes that are slowly happening to me. At these times I feel like I can’t tread water or swim fast enough to get away from the raw reality of it.

I knew going into this appointment that I have noticed that my meds were not working as well. I guessed there was some regression, but yesterday I had to face it, grieve it, and feel it. It was a hard day.

This morning the sun is shining. I hear the birds singing, and I plan on living today to the fullest.

…… And I plan to submerge myself in the tranquility of denial, not denial that I have Parkinson’s.Today I will drown myself in the comfort that it does not define me. I will deny this disease any power over me. Today I will push back any fear that has resurfaced and focus on the beautiful routine of the day.

Today I will drift and let the current pull me far away from any negativity and closer to my creator. Today I will trust my God. Today I will quit fighting the undertow of faith and belief in a bigger plan than I can see. There is a bigger and plan than pain and suffering.

That is until July 25, my next neurologist appointment. Then I will have to resurface again, but only for a day!

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Author: parkinsons95

I used to be a stay in the lines, go with the flow, don't make waves kind of person. I have changed. Parkinson's is one of the many cards dealt to one in life that can shift the mind set. I am now a find the line and push beyond it, swim against the flow, and waves? I will splash and make as much joyful noise as I can, while I can, fearlessly. Brave.

4 thoughts on “Coming to the Surface”

  1. Lisa – Your words (And I plan to submerge myself in the tranquility of denial, not denial that I have Parkinson’s.Today I will drown myself in the comfort that it does not define me. I will deny this disease any power over me. Today I will push back any fear that has resurfaced and focus on the beautiful routine of the day) perfectly describe what I have been unable to articulate about my cancer. I never wanted to wear a pink pin, hat or T, but didn’t know why. Now I know it didn’t mean I was in denial, but I didn’t want to be a victim. Hard to explain, but now I get it. Thank you for your transparency and words that lift us all. Love you!

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  2. Lisa I kinda know how you must feel. Gary was to finish chemo today,but BLOOD COUNTS to low. No last chemo. Bummer but doctor said next week and it should be good and he can fly home on May 6. So we know how we are not in control of our body or meds. Just have faith and be blessed with each good day. Jan

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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